[00:00:00] coming up, on this episode of Ridiculistics! He must've been behind Santa the whole time because he hasn't been mentioned till now.
[00:00:10] Tim: Yeah, so you wouldn't have seen him because Santa's so morbidly obese.
[00:00:42] Are we going?
[00:00:44] Joe: we're going.
[00:00:45] Tim: Alright, hey everybody, Welcome to episode of Ridiculistics. I'm Tim.
[00:00:51] Joe: And I'm Joe.
[00:00:52] Tim: And, we're hittin the old holidays.
[00:00:55] Joe: Can you believe it's December already? That's bananas.
[00:00:58] Tim: can you believe [00:01:00] it's bananas already?
[00:01:01] Joe: That's December. now that's covered.
[00:01:04] Tim: alright. So on Ridiculistics, Joe and I talk about language and primarily idioms.
[00:01:10] Joe: But, in this episode we're changing things up a little because the holidays are here, right? And, we're gonna go into a deep dive of some iconic Christmas lore. we're going to talk about Twas the night before Christmas, but before we get into that, I just wanted to break some Christmas ice.
[00:01:25] I have one question for you, Tim. Is Die Hard a Christmas movie?
[00:01:30] Tim: Oh, here we go. I did not expect that you were gonna ask this,
[00:01:35] cause I've actually put some thought into it since the last time that we talked about it.
[00:01:38] Joe: Really?
[00:01:39] Tim: Yeah, cause I love it.
[00:01:41] it's a great movie. I just got Amy into it last year. She saw it for the first time, and a couple weeks ago, she was like, I cannot wait to watch Die Hard again this Christmas, right?
[00:01:49] This holiday season. to answer your question, As much as it pains me to say this, I think that Die Hard is not a Christmas movie.
[00:01:58] Joe: okay, I, love the [00:02:00] fact that it's a tradition and you watch it every year. I think that in itself can make it a Christmas movie for you, I think when you just break it down, Die Hard isn't about Christmas.
[00:02:12] it happens at Christmastime. whole movie takes place at Christmas time, I guess.
[00:02:16] Tim: Yeah.
[00:02:17] Joe: but, it's not about Christmas. It's not a Christmas movie that way. it's become a tradition to watch it at Christmas time, it has Christmas in it, watch it at Christmas. Why not?
[00:02:29] Tim: I'm trying to blow some holes in your theory there, Okay, I've only seen this movie once, I don't care to see it again, because I think it stinks, and that's, it's a wonderful life. Okay?
[00:02:41] Joe: Right, I watch it every year,
[00:02:43] Tim: it's too schmaltzy, I
[00:02:45] Joe: Schmaltzy?
[00:02:46] Tim: The thing that bothers me the most, is that he stays at the end, and he's not going to be happy there. not.
[00:02:53] Joe: Right, he, had aspirations. I get that. this
[00:02:58] Tim: brings me to my question [00:03:00] though. is it's a wonderful life Christmas movie
[00:03:03] Joe: Oh my god.
[00:03:06] that's a great point because it happens during Christmas,
[00:03:10] Tim: It happens during Christmas
[00:03:12] Joe: but is it about Christmas?
[00:03:14] Tim: Right,
[00:03:15] Joe: I think that is easier to argue than Die Hard, because the Christmas spirit, the whole idea of giving and being selfless,
[00:03:25] Tim: like Riggs and Murtaugh the spirit of being there for each other, just like Lethal Weapon, which is also a Christmas movie.
[00:03:33] Joe: Yeah. If you do use my, philosophy to the letter of the law, there's not a whole lot of Christmas movies.
[00:03:40] there would have to be about Santa Claus.
[00:03:43] Tim: What if it's about Santa Claus, but Santa battles with depression?
[00:03:48] During December. You know?
[00:03:50] Joe: Oh, wow. It's a long December, Santa Claus.
[00:03:57] Tim: Let's just say that progress has been [00:04:00] made.
[00:04:00] Joe: Oh yeah.
[00:04:01] Tim: maybe we got closer to an answer, but we don't have an answer.
[00:04:04] Joe: And that's what Ridiculistics is all about.
[00:04:08]
[00:04:12] Joe: Christmas Eve Day and Christmas Eve Night. you a fan of these phrases?
[00:04:17] Tim: Christmas Eve night!
[00:04:18] Joe: Oh yeah, that's, that's a thing that's said.
[00:04:21] Tim: That's Christmas Eve Eve?
[00:04:22] Joe: yeah, well what do you think Eve stands for?
[00:04:25] Tim: Would Christmas Eve, Eve be the day before Christmas Eve?
[00:04:27] Joe: Day before the, day before Christmas? Yeah,
[00:04:30] Tim: So Christmas Eve, Eve. Christmas Day. Is it Christmas Day night? Christmas Night?
[00:04:35] Joe: Christmas Eve night. I guess you could say Christmas Day night, too.
[00:04:40] Tim: No, you That's Christmas night. You don't need two contrary descriptors for the time of day. It's either Christmas day, or it's christmas night.
[00:04:50] Joe: Monique says Christmas Eve night, that's when go to, midnight church service on Christmas Eve night. You got a lot going on there because you say midnight, which already gives you [00:05:00] the night part,
[00:05:01] Tim: I thought Christmas Eve implied evening.
[00:05:05] Joe: Does Eve mean the day before or does Eve mean evening? Because then Christmas Eve isn't Christmas Eve all day.
[00:05:13] Tim: Oh man, this is rough. I think we're gonna have to have people, chime in on this one, because, uh,
[00:05:18] Joe: is Christmas Eve? Is it the whole day, or is it just the evening, or is there such a thing as Christmas Eve night?
[00:05:25] Tim: I'm so torn between being interested in not giving a shit. Heh heh heh heh heh. Ha
[00:05:33] Joe: I want to, but I don't. I don't want to. Yeah, no.
[00:05:38] Tim: No, no, no.
[00:05:39] No, yeah. Yeah, no,
[00:05:40] Joe: Yeah, yeah.
[00:05:40] Tim: Yeah.
[00:05:41] Joe: No, yeah.
[00:05:41] Tim: No, no,
[00:05:42] Joe: no.
[00:05:47] Tim: All right, so let's get into this I already assumed that I knew, ya know, twas the night before Christmas, Clarke Moore, like he was, the dude who wrote it, uh, supposedly,[00:06:00]
[00:06:00] Joe: dun dun!
[00:06:01] Tim: A little bit about Clement Clarke Moore this information comes from, uh, Poets. org. He was born July 15th 1779 in New York City. He went to Columbia College in 1798, got an M. A. from there in 1801. He was the author of a book called Poems, which included the poem A Visit from St. Nicholas.
[00:06:24] So we've obviously taken the first line of that poem and over time sort of idiomatic in a way, right? At what point did someone go? Nah we don't like that We're gonna go with the first line and make that the title.
[00:06:35] Twas the night before Christmas, so that's Christmas Eve night, right?
[00:06:41] Tim: Yeah, it's Christmas Eve night. Twas Christmas Eve night. And all through the house, people were confused. Even this mouse.
[00:06:52] So this poem, that became Night Before Christmas, it was published anonymously [00:07:00] in the Troy Sentinel, so this is in New York, in 1823. Nobody took credit for it, so, before we get into that, I'll also say that, Clement Clark Moore also published a compendious lexicon of the Hebrew language and he taught at the General Theological Seminary in New York City from 1821 to 1850.
[00:07:20] He wrote A Visit from St. Nicholas as a Christmas gift for his children. What was interesting about this is the way we think of Santa Claus was in many ways created by this poem. Until that time, traditionally depicted as a thinner, less jolly, horse riding disciplinarian. A combination of mythologies about the British Father Christmas, the Dutch Sinterklaas, the 4th century Bishop St. Nicholas of Myra, but the poem in the newspaper painted a different picture. It gave Santa 8 reindeer, Described a Santa who could magically sneak in and out of homes via chimneys, it created the [00:08:00] venerated, cheerful, chubby icon, we all know,
[00:08:03] Joe: it defined Santa Claus. How we know him now.
[00:08:07] Tim: Oh, For sure. Clement Clark Moore did not stake a claim to this poem. until 13 years after it got published,
[00:08:15] Joe: That's the crazy thing. he didn't say, oh yeah I wrote that, for another 13 years. That's ridiculous.
[00:08:22] Tim: is the part that I did not know about and felt like, how did I miss this through my entire life? That many believe the poem was actually penned by New York writer, Henry Livingston. And I was like, screeching wheels. Wait, wait, wait, what?
[00:08:38] Joe: Yep.
[00:08:38] Tim: This is a relatively new controversy, in terms of people really, like there are some people who really got into it. In 2000, forensic linguist and Vassar College English professor Donald Foster concluded in his book, Author unknown writer Henry Livingston authored the poem.
[00:08:58] Foster [00:09:00] used linguistic analysis to back up those claims, while MacDonald Jackson, a New Zealand scholar who specializes in authorship attribution. He based his conclusions on statistical analysis. He compared the writing styles of both Livingston and Moore, and contrasted their rates of using common words and phoneme pairs. Phoneme pair is words that differ by only one sound. like, Pat and Bat, Jackson says, Their rates of use are largely beyond a writer's conscious control. They distinguish Moore's verse from Livingston's, and they classify The Night Before Christmas with the latter. So basically he's saying, it's more in line with Livingston writing style.
[00:09:42] Joe: So it doesn't look like Moore wrote it according to this guy.
[00:09:45] Tim: yeah, Jackson says, For Moore to have written this poem, he would have had to, Slipped into a style That was not only atypical of his own verse, But utterly typical of the very man who, according to his descendants, Was the true author. So, [00:10:00] there's a lot going on here.
[00:10:01] And families got involved.
[00:10:03] Joe: and, just to give him the benefit of the doubt, Moore. if he's writing this for his kids, he may have done that. You know, he may have slipped into a different thing.
[00:10:12] Tim: I had that thought
[00:10:13] Joe: but I get why there's conspiracy.
[00:10:15] Tim: that's why it brings me back though a little bit to the Hebrew lexicon book
[00:10:19] Joe: Right.
[00:10:20] Tim: and
[00:10:20] Joe: Yeah.
[00:10:21] Tim: theological, like, that doesn't seem like the jovial kind of
[00:10:24] writer
[00:10:25] Joe: that a bowl full of jelly comes out of. Yeah, so , they're all just kind of fighting about it , to this day, it's like, no, our guy did, no, our guy did. but again, why wait 13 years to say I did it?
[00:10:35] Tim: You would think that there is a fair argument on either side, right? But clearly, Clement Clark Moore is winning,
[00:10:43] Joe: yeah when you search it up you usually see his name there and we did until we started really digging in
[00:10:48] Tim: Yeah, so that's what I found out about, a visit from St. Nicholas and Clement Clark Moore. There's just a lot. There's always a lot.
[00:10:56] Joe: I really don't know who to decide on, right?
[00:10:59] Tim: Yeah, [00:11:00]
[00:11:04] This is The first podcast where we've had a special guest. people are already familiar with her, even though they don't, they don't know it.
[00:11:11] Joe: Right! The podcast is introduced by a woman's voice, and her name is Ruth. She is an artificial intelligence voice that you can make say anything you want. Ruth's gonna read this to us and we can jump in at any time cause I got a pause button here, but Tim doesn't have a a pause button, so he's got,
[00:11:31] Tim: I got sleigh bells so I'll be like Oh, hey stop. I got something to say.
[00:11:36] Joe: All right. So here's Ruth.
[00:11:37] Ruth: Twas the night before Christmas when all through the house, not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse. The stockings were hung by the chimney with care in hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there.
[00:11:50] Tim: I did just want to go back over this, uh, how St. Nicholas was a less jolly horse riding disciplinarian. Who wants that [00:12:00] person? Enough that they're gonna be like, I'm gonna hang up my stocking so that this less jolly horse riding disciplinarian might come over.
[00:12:07] Joe: It was that feeling of, I don't want one of those to get in my house. Oh, wait. He gives gifts.
[00:12:14] Tim: Yeah.
[00:12:15] I'll leave it unlocked.
[00:12:16] Joe: Yeah. come on in, Disciplinarian.
[00:12:21] Ruth: The children were nestled all snug in their beds while visions of sugar plums danced in their heads.
[00:12:27] Joe: Okay, so long story short, sugar plums are candy. If you were to choose a modern candy today that's similar to what they were then, you'd probably get yourself some Lemonheads.
[00:12:37] And, yeah, the folks that make Lemonheads used to be called, Ferrara Pan Candy Company.
[00:12:43] Tim: Ferrara Pan. They used to make the Alexander the Grape.
[00:12:45] Joe: Yes! and Johnny Apple Treats.
[00:12:47] they're the ones that make atomic fireballs. and the original Boston baked beans.
[00:12:52] were called Ferrara Pan Candy Company because the process to make lemon heads and to make sugar plums, actually, in the [00:13:00] day, it's called panning. It's the process to make that hard, shiny shell, Skittles and M& M have the same shell. That's the shell we're talking about when it comes to panning.
[00:13:10] And sugar plums, same thing. Except back then, they didn't have the machinery and all that stuff, so they weren't as hard and shiny, but that's the thing they were going for that evolved.
[00:13:19] I'm not gonna get too crazy into sugar plums, because there's a video that I found from Tasting History, And their creator and host of the series, Max Miller, explains everything about sugar plums and their history.
[00:13:32] And he spends three days, while he's explaining this, making sugar plums. And the three day recipe was the easy one. They, they took forever to make, and because they did, only like the rich people had them back then.
[00:13:45] As far as the visions that danced in these kids heads, even if it's unintended, I think there's a correlation between Plum also meaning something very good that's worth having.
[00:13:57] Tim: Mmm.
[00:13:58] Joe: The anticipation of [00:14:00] waking up on Christmas morning to see what Santa brought goes way beyond dreaming about candy. I think.
[00:14:05] Tim: makes me wonder this, the Night Before Christmas family. are we to assume that if they're visions of sugar plums, that like, that's something that they wouldn't normally have because they're not, you know. So they just dream about it.
[00:14:20] Joe: Like the actual physical sugar plums, Maybe, But I think it could be things that they're getting, that they want.
[00:14:27] Tim: Yeah.
[00:14:28] Ruth: could be a figurative thing, who knows. And Mama in her kerchief and I in my cap had just settled our brains for a long winter's nap. Went out on the lawn there.
[00:14:39] Joe: Oh, go ahead.
[00:14:41] Tim: I object! Uh, I, could have picked a number of words to define, that we assume we know, right? So went with kerchief,
[00:14:53] Joe: Oh, yeah.
[00:14:54] Tim: it's talking about, mama in her kerchief and I in my cap. According to Miriam Webster, a [00:15:00] kerchief is a piece of fabric used to cover the head or worn, tied around the neck. it's, a triangular, or square piece of cloth tied around the head, face, or neck for protective or decorative purposes. Another name for it is a neckerchief
[00:15:15] or handkerchief.
[00:15:17] Joe: where does that come in and why is it different than a handkerchief?
[00:15:20] Tim: I think it's just kerchief is just shortened, but I'm thinking like, , well not a face kerchief?
[00:15:27] You know what I mean? Whatever it's covering, it's that plus kerchief.
[00:15:32] Joe: Like when,
[00:15:32] when it rains at the baseball game, they put a field kerchief on the, on the thing also, I do like the other, words for, Handkerchief, Bandana, Bandana, Mantia, Babushka, Madras, Shawl, Do rag, Uh, Hanky, and Hanky. [00:16:00] That's, that's Hanky with a Y and Hanky with an I E.
[00:16:05] Babushka?
[00:16:07] Tim: Yeah!
[00:16:08] Joe: I thought that was like a Russian lady that came in the night and stole your breath or something.
[00:16:13] Tim: no, no, I don't think a babushka comes and steals your breath. She might take your sugar plums.
[00:16:17] But yeah, I also feel like, what differentiates, like, She's in a kerchief, and he's in a cap. Is he wearing like his Dodgers hat?
[00:16:29] Joe: Every time I see it depicted it's that long cone dunce cap thing that's like flaccid?
[00:16:35] Uh, Mama in her
[00:16:41] Tim: kerchief
[00:16:41] Joe: and me in my flaccid dunce cap! HAHAHAHAHA Yeah,
[00:16:48] Ruth: When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter, I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter.
[00:16:54] Away to the window I flew like a flash, Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.
[00:16:59] Joe: [00:17:00] What did he eat? If he threw up the sash, no wonder he tore up the shutters, That's like when you roll down the window real quick so you can throw up.
[00:17:08]
[00:17:09] Tim: I did look it up very quickly, this says, A sash is a large and unusually colorful ribbon or band of material worn around the human body. So, uh, Sashkerchief.
[00:17:22] Joe: well, sash has another definition too. a window sash, which is the framework that holds the glass in. On those windows that have to slide up to open the window.
[00:17:32] Tim: that makes a lot more sense than what I found. Ruth?
[00:17:36] Ruth: The moon on the breast of the new fallen snow gave a luster of midday to objects below. When what to my wondering eyes did appear, but a miniature sleigh and eight tiny reindeer. With a little old driver so lively and quick
[00:17:49] Joe: Oh, Tim!
[00:17:50] Tim: Okay, A miniature sleigh and eight tiny reindeer. No! they can't do the things that he's gonna [00:18:00] say that they're gonna do if they were miniature? Eight
[00:18:03] Tiny. reindeer? That's like Shetland reindeer.
[00:18:06] Joe: that would mean that he's tiny too, if he's gonna fit in the miniature sleigh?
[00:18:10] Tim: it says with a little old driver so lively and quick. is it because they're so far away from him that they look miniature? I don't buy it.
[00:18:20] Joe: There was such a clatter too, and clatters don't just happen unless you're close to them,
[00:18:24] Ruth: with a little old driver so lively and quick, I knew in a moment he must be Saint Nick. More rapid than eagles, his coursers they came, and he whistled and shouted and called them by
[00:18:36] Joe: Oh.
[00:18:37] Tim: I'm gonna "chime" in here,
[00:18:39] Joe: Yeah, you "sleighed" that one.
[00:18:41]
[00:18:42] Tim: Because who knows what a courser is? Do you know what a courser is?
[00:18:45] Joe: Uh, Courser.
[00:18:48] Well, they're more rapid than eagles.
[00:18:50] Tim: a courser, defined by, Merriam Webster, is a swift or spirited horse. It's a reindeer. A courser is a [00:19:00] horse,
[00:19:00] Joe: Are reinders in the horse family?
[00:19:02] Tim: I think they're in the deer family. and I did no indication that it meant anything other than horse.
[00:19:10] Joe: Okay. Ruth?
[00:19:13] Ruth: Now Dasher, Now Dancer, Now Prancer, and Vixen. On Comet, on Cupid, on Donder,
[00:19:18] Joe: Alright, I went to good ol Snopes and checked this out. Originally, the two reindeers named Donner and Blitzen, to you and me these days, were named Dunder and Blixem With an M on the end of Blixem
[00:19:33] Tim: Blixem? Damn near killed him.
[00:19:36] Dunder, I hardly
[00:19:37] Joe: knew her.
[00:19:37] Yeah, so it's not even Donder which is what's said in here, but original originally , whether Moore or Liveston wrote A Visit from St. Nicholas, one of them melded elements of Scandinavian mythology with the emerging Dutch American version of Santa Claus as a jolly pipe smoking fellow and produced a version of a sleigh pulled by eight flying [00:20:00] reindeer. He assigned names to all the reindeer, and he took two of them from a common Dutch exclamation of the time, Dunder and Blixem, the Dutch words for thunder and lightning. Ohhhh!
[00:20:14] Tim: the Dutch, that's the Sinterklaas
[00:20:17] Which they sing about in, uh, Miracle on 34th Street, the original. Don't a sinter Claus, yeah.
[00:20:25] in 1837, Moore's friend, Charles Hoffman, printed the version of A Visit from St. Nicholas that included several alterations from earlier versions, including the changing of Blixem to Blixen. It's still not Blitzen, but it's Blixen, to make the rhyme with Vixen.
[00:20:47] Joe: and Dunder to Donder perhaps to bring the spelling more in line with English pronunciation.
[00:20:53] Tim: That's fine, I get that, but then why change Blixen? Blixen's perfectly good, and it rhymes with Vixen. Why fuck [00:21:00] it up and make it Blitzen?
[00:21:01] Joe: It looks like when clement clark Moore finally published the poem in his Book of Poems in 1844, he changed the name of Blixen to Blitzen, and that's how we know it today.
[00:21:14] Tim: I don't like it.
[00:21:15] Joe: But we're still not to Donner yet. We're still on Donder. there are many sources that say that the first publication of Donner spelled that way, from Donder, is the New York Times publication of Moore's poem in 1906.
[00:21:29] So, every time the poem was published, it seems to have changed a little bit.
[00:21:34] Tim: it. Hey, hey, what do you want the names to be this time?
[00:21:39] Joe: Right! Alright, so we'll continue this. Ruth.
[00:21:44] Ruth: Now now Dancer, now Prancer and Vixen. On Comet, on Cupid, on Donder and Blitzen. To the top of the porch, to the top of the wall. Now dash away, dash away, dash away all.
[00:21:55] As leaves that before the wild hurricane fly, when they meet with an obstacle, mount to the [00:22:00] sky. So up to the housetop the coursers they flew, With a sleigh full of toys and St. Nicholas too. And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof the prancing and pawing of each little hoof. As I drew in my head and was turning around, down the chimney St. Nicholas came with a bound.
[00:22:18] Tim: this poem's long. The stuff that he's talking about right now, dash away, dash away, dash away all? all that stuff sounds like he's leaving. getting up to the roof
[00:22:28] Joe: You're right. He's not even in the house.
[00:22:30] Tim: this is absolute chaos no wonder he's throwing up his sash.
[00:22:35] Ruth: He was dressed all in fur from his head to his foot, and his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot.
[00:22:42] Joe: I just thought of this now, but he's dressed all in fur from his head to his foot, he looks like Grizzly Adams or something, right?
[00:22:49] Tim: Yeah.
[00:22:50] Joe: How about we put him in red fur?
[00:22:53] Tim: Well, maybe, because he would look like Leonardo DiCaprio in the, Revenant.
[00:22:58] know what? Hang on. [00:23:00] I'm gonna have you stop by wardrobe real quick. And, uh, they got a whole other thing happening. It's red. You're gonna love it.
[00:23:07] Joe: Cause, cause right now you look like an unkempt beaver.
[00:23:13] Ruth: A bundle of toys he had flung on his back, and he looked like a peddler just opening his pack.
[00:23:19] Tim: old time words are, fascinating. and I'll tell you what a peddler is.
[00:23:23] This is P E D D L E R. this is from, Merriam Webster. com, perhaps you're familiar with it. a peddler is, someone who peddles
[00:23:32] Joe: Oh, so on a bike.
[00:23:34] Tim: it says, commonly confused with pedaler. P E D A L E R. That's one who pedals.
[00:23:42] Joe: or if it's a tandem bike, Two who Pedals.
[00:23:44] Bad-um tssss!!
[00:23:46] Tim: so I thought Miriam Webster, I think you're bailing a little on it, your first definition of peddler is someone who peddles. Is that, all it said?
[00:23:55] yeah, that was the first one. The second one is someone who offers merchandise, [00:24:00] such as fresh produce, for sale along the street or from door to door. Someone who deals in or promotes something intangible, such as personal asset or an idea. Peddler. When I think of Santa going like a peddler opening his sack, I think of Yoda. in Empire Strikes Back. Where he's just like. Roar. Yeah.
[00:24:22] alright, continuing.
[00:24:24] Ruth: His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry! His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow, And the beard of his chin was as white as the snow;
[00:24:33] Joe: wait, drawn up like a bow, that is such a weird way to that. And then I thought about a bow, like a bow and arrow and the shape of the bow when you draw it back and how it looks like mouth with a mustache on it a little bit, right?
[00:24:47] Tim: Yeah,
[00:24:48] Ruth: The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth, and the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath. He had a broad face and a little round belly that shook when he laughed like a bowl full of jelly. He was [00:25:00] chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf, and I laughed when I saw him in spite of myself.
[00:25:04] Tim: first of all, bowl full of jelly is great.
[00:25:09] Joe: I'm a fan.
[00:25:11] Tim: Chubby and, Plump are right jolly old elf. She's not tiny! you're contradicting yourself the same poem, you say, oh, it's miniature, and then you're like, chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf.
[00:25:23] Like, isn't, were he supposed to think that he's miniature, chubby and plump? I don't think so.
[00:25:29] Joe: Well he did have a little, a little round belly.
[00:25:33] Ah
[00:25:34] Tim: fine, but that's
[00:25:34] just a little punch, right? obviously changed over time, because now he's. Grossly overweight.
[00:25:41] Joe: man, if you were to, think about the words in this,
[00:25:44] to draw the thing that it's describing,
[00:25:47] Tim: Heh
[00:25:48] Joe: up with an oxymoron. I mean it's like, it's, it's both fat, And, and skinny. It's both tall, but short. It's miniature, but large and plump. [00:26:00] What?
[00:26:01] Tim: I don't mean to to beat a dead elf. He's not miniature. cause you know, he comes down the chimney and he's got soot on him, so he's hitting the sides on the way down. You
[00:26:10] Joe: Yeah, that's true. Very good.
[00:26:14] Tim: miniature. You would just go all
[00:26:16] the other thing, that gets me about this, this character, doesn't have a name. I wish, you know, he in his cap, he should know better than to laugh at fucking Santa Claus.
[00:26:27] Santa's coming down your chimney, gonna give you gifts, you see him, and the first thing you do is laugh at him.
[00:26:32] dick move.
[00:26:33] Joe: Yeah, the line right before it is he's chubby and plump. So I laughed at him.
[00:26:38] Tim: Yeah. I laughed at him. I fat shamed Santa Claus.
[00:26:44] Joe: Another great bumper sticker.
[00:26:46] Ruth: A wink of his eye and a twist of his head soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread. He spoke not a word.
[00:26:52] Joe: Wait, wait, does that mean that he saw him?
[00:26:55] Tim: Yeah. Yeah.
[00:26:56] Joe: Okay, so, when he laughed, he gave himself away. And, [00:27:00] Santa looked up like, I see you, and it's okay.
[00:27:03] Tim: Yeah. it's okay
[00:27:04] that you just laughed at my fatness.
[00:27:07] Ruth: He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work, and filled all the stockings, then turned with a jerk. The End. And laying his finger aside of his nose.
[00:27:15] Joe: All right.
[00:27:16] Tim: Okay, first of all, There are two people here, because
[00:27:19] Joe: toot, Santa and somebody else.
[00:27:21] Tim: Santa, and because he filled all the stockings, then turned with a jerk. So there's Santa comes down the chimney, and a jerk also comes down the chimney, and then they turned at the same time.
[00:27:36] Joe: He must've been behind Santa the whole time because he hasn't been mentioned till now.
[00:27:39] Tim: Yeah, so you wouldn't have seen him because Santa's so morbidly obese.
[00:27:44] Ruth: And laying his finger aside
[00:27:45] of his nose and giving a nod up the chimney He rose he sprang to his sleigh to his team gave a whistle and away they all flew like the down of a thistle.
[00:27:55] Joe: Oh yeah.
[00:27:56] This is what we all came here for.
[00:27:58] Tim: that's [00:28:00] right.
[00:28:00] Joe: Essentially a thistle is like a weed. it's a flowering plant that has prickles on its leaves or sometimes on its stem
[00:28:10] Tim: Oh, I'm picturing it now.
[00:28:12] Joe: and it often has showy heads of tubular flowers.
[00:28:17] So, immediately what I thought of was a dandelion. and I looked that up and a dandelion is not a thistle.
[00:28:24] Tim: You know a thistle, right? From like Growing up and stuff seeing these things out in fields and stuff they're prickly
[00:28:30] Joe: this is clearly, I need something that rhymes with whistle. Cause what else are you gonna do?
[00:28:39] Tim: I'll tell you what Tell us more.
[00:28:44] Joe: So, the down much like a down pillow or a comforter. It's also the, the product of this showy head on this tubular flower. thing. So when you blow on a dandelion, you know how all the little things like float [00:29:00] away?
[00:29:00] Tim: You know what? I am not ashamed to say I had no idea
[00:29:05] Joe: Really?
[00:29:05] Tim: what down of a thistle was. And it makes sense.
[00:29:07] Joe: Yeah. Well,
[00:29:08] Tim: so, that is, that is the name, the little top, the top of it with the things on it like a dandelion.
[00:29:14] Joe: Yeah. On top, which makes no sense at all.
[00:29:17] What should we call this thing on top?
[00:29:22] Tim: Uh, down?
[00:29:24] Joe: The first known use of thistle down was in 1561.
[00:29:29] Tim: Wow.
[00:29:30] Joe: thistle down is a thing that's been around forever. So he kind of rephrased it in the down of a thistle to get that rhyme.
[00:29:38] Tim: Yeah, I see what you're saying. It's clever. just the word. is an unattractive one. You see thistle and it's like, I would have gone with gristle, you know? they all flew like a roast and it's gristle.
[00:29:54] bring it home, Ruth.
[00:29:58] Ruth: But I heard him exclaim air. He [00:30:00] drove out of sight. a christmas to all and to all a good night.
[00:30:04] Joe: I'm so glad we had Ruth do that.
[00:30:07] Tim: Yeah, so that's it. did it. We got through it.
[00:30:11] Joe: Excellent. So Christmassy, right?
[00:30:14] Tim: I mean, is it really a Christmas poem? just because it takes place at Christmas time. the thing about this particular thing it, doesn't leave me with a good feeling, and I think part of it has to do with, the imagery, like, you got your guy freaking out because he thinks someone's there to rob him, you the family probably, right? So
[00:30:35] Joe: Yeah, let's be honest, Santa would be a dead man if they tried this stunt today.
[00:30:42]
[00:30:46] Joe: Alright, so let's do the normal stuff, wait, didn't you have a request for a recipe?
[00:30:50] Tim: I did. So obviously the last episode when we were talking about Thanksgiving and I, talked about the vegetable melange, dish that I made for [00:31:00] Thanksgiving many years, in a row, thinking That I wasn't the only one who liked it, when come to find out that that's exactly what the case was.
[00:31:08] we did have message from SeattleDuckFan, and the message is, uh, Drop that melange recipe here, my dudes, and please sprinkle with a hint of chalamet. Which, um,
[00:31:21] Joe: Shall a may.
[00:31:22] Tim: so, my sister, Chrissy, had found this going through my parents house recently.
[00:31:27] And had, in fact, just coincidentally, texted it to me. I think there was a bit of a mocking. uh, tone involved too, which was like, remember that bad recipe?
[00:31:38] Joe: Uh,
[00:31:39] Tim: ha ha.
[00:31:40] So here's what You need. I'm gonna tell you all how to do this. Vegetable Melange. Okay, I'm gonna get through it fast. So if you have to go back and, and slow down the tape. There's gonna be two cans of ten and three quarter ounce condensed chicken broth. Okay, four tablespoons, cornstarch. Two tablespoons soy sauce. [00:32:00] One half teaspoon ground ginger. Four packages, ten ounce each, frozen broccoli spears. Two packages, ounce each, frozen peas.
[00:32:10] This is a lot of vegetables. one cup carrots, thinly sliced diagonally. One cup peas. Diagonally sliced celery. I guess I wanted to mix up my sentence structure, uh, this is the second time. This is what you do, and this is very, very complicated, okay?
[00:32:23] In skillet, combine broth, cornstarch, soy sauce, and ginger. Add veggies. to boil. Reduce heat. Cover, Simmer ten minutes. or until done. Stir occasionally. Serve with additional soy sauce, and it makes one quarter ton. No, it makes five and a half cups, is what it makes. Which is a lot for, turns out, one person to eat,
[00:32:56] Joe: sounds pretty good. I'm not gonna lie.
[00:32:59] Tim: I did like the [00:33:00] instruction that says, and I think it's very important, Simmer 10 minutes or until done.
[00:33:04] Joe: I love that. Yeah. Yep. When's dinner gonna be ready?
[00:33:08] Tim: When it's done.
[00:33:10] Joe: Yeah.
[00:33:10] Tim: so Seattle Duck Fan, I hope that, that satisfies you and that you enjoy that. Um, let us know how it goes and how many people you were able to feed.
[00:33:20] Yeah.
[00:33:20] Joe: Alright, so we got a couple of emails asking us to investigate some idioms. One of them, from my friend Dawn, was, Writing on the wall. was that an actual message What was written on the wall? originally, I don't like that, it's a great one to try and find out.
[00:33:38] Anyway, moving on , you too can reach out to us by emailing feedfront at ridiculistics. com or use the contact form on ridiculistics. com. Suggest some idioms.
[00:33:53] Tim: maybe what we do one time is go through and just have it, have one episode where it's listener requests, Yeah.
[00:33:59] did I [00:34:00] mention that I coined the term, uh, Ridiculousners? I
[00:34:04] Joe: I love that.
[00:34:06] Tim: rarely come up with clever things, and that just came to me, so I was pretty happy with it.
[00:34:11] Joe: Yeah. If you can hear this, you're a Ridiculousner.
[00:34:14] Tim: Exactly.
[00:34:17] Joe: Whether you like it or not. We're also on all the, uh, social places, the Instagram, the YouTube, all the podcast places.
[00:34:25] Tim: Yeah, and I think, um, week we did the Morse Code thing, and
[00:34:30] Joe: Hmm.
[00:34:31] Tim: don't know if it
[00:34:31] was maybe too, too, I wasn't clear, maybe I had a typo in there.
[00:34:35] Joe: We didn't get anything.
[00:34:36] Tim: didn't get anything.
[00:34:37] Joe: Oh.
[00:34:38] Tim: not going to go
[00:34:38] back over that address. Um, but I will say that we've added a way to reach us, um, which is via sign language. so you can reach us at com.
[00:34:56] Joe: Good. I hope we get something from that.
[00:34:58] Tim: Yeah.
[00:34:59] Joe: [00:35:00] Awesome.
[00:35:00] Alright, well, that, I think, wraps it up.
[00:35:03] Tim: I think it wraps it up too. happy holidays to everyone no matter what version of Christmas you celebrate. Happy Holidays!
[00:35:08] I'm kidding. I'm kidding. Hanukkah, Kwanzaa,
[00:35:11] Joe: festivus.
[00:35:12] All the things.
[00:35:13] Tim: yeah, have a great holiday, this is, Ridiculistics, signing off, this is Tim,
[00:35:19] Joe: And this is Joe. Bye bye!
[00:35:21] Tim: bye,
[00:35:22] This was Ridiculistics, the Ridiculistics Podcast.
[00:35:30] Tim: Nailed it!